look no pants
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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