How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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