That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
