I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
