So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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