i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
