I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
