Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
