I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My ass is underappreciated
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize