Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
