what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
