Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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