barbara walters just said penis...
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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