I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
