Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
