Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
