Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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