dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
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