This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
