A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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