She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize