you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
