I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
