College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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