i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
