Your face is a jimmy john
He kissed a someone with a penis
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
We need a shit load of segways right now
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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