im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize