i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
he shaved USA in his pubs
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
