my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
