ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
