...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
