the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
