i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize