he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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