I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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