i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
