Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
me + whiskey = a bad person
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
