i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You're a waste of cheezeits
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Randomize
