i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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