Small penises have feelings too.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
