Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
How does it feel to date your dad?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
