She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
we're so committed to being not committed
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
