Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
