i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
