No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
