Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize