I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
