Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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