Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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