Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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