i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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