I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
