Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
