Do you still have your period?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
