my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
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