At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
