Need sex. Gaining weight.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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