yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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