the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
