im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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