Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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