soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
