I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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