i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
