Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
