he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
