Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
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