I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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