my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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