Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
