My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize