There is no way he is gay with that hair.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
