I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Everclear isn't food dammit
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
