4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
