oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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