A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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