I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
