CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
