SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
