Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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