i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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