maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
