i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Randomize
