Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
