She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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