there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
