So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
