Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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