Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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