The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
