My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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