All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize