i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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