1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Bring me that man meat
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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