You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
