Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
