some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
