could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
