You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
