broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
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