The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
