yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
