So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
