'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
