I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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