I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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