when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
