If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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