THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
