I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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