i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
