I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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